Wednesday, April 28, 2004
bloggie time.... yes i haven't blogged for a day.... wat was i doing yesterday?.... not much i guess... to warrant a blog...... yeah "working" on my AP environment HW right now... for which im not taking an AP test .... BWAHA.... sighz.... every three months... we throw away enough aluminium cans to rebuild every single commercial airliner.... juss to let u knoe... stupid enviro... yeah block schedule yet again... yeah so today was another long day... and i don't even get a long break tomomo.... pshhh... sighz band politics again.... hahaz soph year trying to flood the council.... too bad failed miserably.... sumthings still bitter, sumthings still regret, sumthing still suspect, most things i forget.... how the heck did fullmer get that wrong back then.... i knew i was better at predicting that kinda thing... but i thought so too... who knew.... i want to knoe who.... and because of those stupid technicalities imposed to screw meeh over.... yes that im still bitter.... who knew the audince i was working towards.... do they not realize the pain cause someone... oh wait they do realize it..... they left.... leaving meeh here... to wallow in this freak'n filth.... simple..... i tried for sumthing less... didn't make that either.... i was too kind.... got stuck as the redundancy... i was too naive.... too trusting of people to not invoke a ckeck..... just simply let things happen.... had i been more assertive.... we wouldn't be a thousand dollars in the hole.... simple had i been better looking... and more outgoing.... and not afraid to sell myself like a whore.... i would have gotten sumthing.... i've always lost to those people like that.... people are just shallow... they can't accept people for their content.... all they see is the physical.... i;ve started doing that too.... i used to be caring to a fault... not i could care any less.... i realize how people could change so much... i've changed a lot.... i remember making a vow to myself... i knoe i've broken it... it was simple.... not care about what people think.... i guess to function in a society one must conform to it... this society is so freakishly selfish.... im sick of it.... you'd think that after the first 14 years of my life, i'd learn to stop letting ppl walk over meeh.... sumthings never change..... im tired.... i can't be as bubbly as i used to... there isn't that much left of meeh to burn.... for the first part of my life... i realized i was too conceited.... brought too much attention to myself.... one day i decided to change that.... it was simple.... try not to use the word "I" in conversation.... worked pretty well i became a good listener... pretty soon, i became the fly on the wall... its easy not to acknowledge the silent guy.... i realized a whiole ago.... if i don't bring up myself.... there really isn't n/e thing to talk about with ppl.... theysimply won't start talking about you... they've got themselves to talk about.... people, if you think i am talking about you, ur either right or ur paranoid, or ur so into urselves that you think this is about u.... hah.... sighz..... such pain..... thats juss the bitter part.... i guess i've talked about regret a few posts ago... i still suspect stuff.... but ehh.... mostly i've forgotten about it.... you think thats a good think.... but its not... i've forgotten peice of my past that has made meeh who i am... with outhsome of these reminders i am bound to remake some of these mistakes... .... sighz... i feel tired... my thoughs are already losing coherence and my lids aren't even drooping yet... .... so today.... free icecream at ben and jerry's hehez... was there twice.... decide to register to vote... craziness i knoe.... well nighty nightz... most of these thing i said seem harsh... i really only typed this to vent a little....sorry if n/e figures this out... aaa... yeah.... you should not have been so mean to meeh.... aya.... oh well nighty nightz again... sweet dream... *muah* life *muah*