Saturday, August 07, 2004
whooooo wat a great day XD.... woke up at ten, watched some anime.... got dressed... (notice the order... blegh)... yeah so got to the mall at around 12:15... (late).... met jessica there :D...so we got lunch at pat oscars... ordered pasta, sat there talking and looking at pics... for an hour..... saw this kid losing his lunch.... ewwww.....then the food came, by that tyme we were stuffed from all the bread sticks, and the manager walks up: "sorry, sorry would you like some cookies?".... so we got cookies, and we left with threee boxes of takeout... hehez..... then we went to see a movie... the village.... *shock*.... hehz, not wat i expected... crazy ending that i didn't really like... farce?.... pshhhh.... then tried to movie hop...went into cat woman, but suddenly felt guity so we left passing, a worker lady who obviously knew we had juss backed out.... :-[]... so then we shopped for a bit, ofcourse no intention of buying n/e thing...., first time i've been in an old navy...saw some funny bush figurines... all in all, very phun, and would love to do it again hehez.... met a fob, a cheater, hehez... so we parted, got home, kay put in the prince of egypt.... (did you notice that moses and ramises are painted on moses' sandle as he takes them off in the desert, caught that and rewound...)... hmmm lots to think about, meeh blog after i have... nite nite.... (and in continuing)....ok, i thought about it some... ish.... i usually don't like thinking about these things, its makes it easier in some odd way... she brought up a good point that i ono if i could deal with... soldiers have done it when they were away at war, then again, most of those war stories don't turn out too, well... see... i ono, if its ok to pursue, if i knoe (from experiance i might add, which sorta makes it even worst, and im harder on myself for it) that im putting many things at risk, and sumthings that would even be harder to see.... sounds kinda drastic... but i think i may be blowing this waaaay outta proportion.... its juss that cyclical theory i believe in... less a theory than a realization.... its like drug abuse, or any temptation, addicts can tell you that there is a progression of events that happen every time if they took notice.... its hard cuz now i've thought about this alot, and im still not done yet, but by the time the linchpin comes, my head would be out of whack.... always happens.... hate it.... i should be happy though..... isn't that what i wished for a long tyme ago...? actually, make no mistake about it.... i am very happy, this has been the best summer ever.... what i thought had clicked in highschool, really hasn't.... now it has.... the world sorta seem simpler.... it good, and its less weight on the mind... figured how things are supposed to work... now from my veiw from up high, i can see how it all works, but now it means, i have to be responsible for my actions, truthfully, i never saw it as that way.... i wonder if this newfound sense of responsibility would be a stumbling block, a reason to hesitate, please don't let it... most of the parts of meeh, really want to see things through.... hmmm, i guess its actually a cunundrum... funny wat secular belief tries to instill in you, i should feel terrible according to them... but i don't.... i sat there a puente hills after jessica left that day.... saw some things as i nibbled on those breadsticks...(ahhh we still have 4 left).... some stuff made meeh compare, some stuff made meeh feel good.... but most of the things i saw, i now realize as childish.... can't believe i could have been there.... i think i actually realized this on midway through senior year.... but it was different baq then.... it was more of a resignation for not being able to hack it.... now its juss, i don't need it.... and i think im happier without it.... wow, was i shallow.... one thing is bad i now, it gets harder to blame things, back then my actions, i could blame the media etc... but in this short time, i learned to think for myself i think, and its weird, the burden is heavier, but it feels freer... one thing hasn't changed, talking about it on the blog makes it muuch easier to realize for myself... and i think i realize why: cuz when i think about things alone, and to myself, i go through selfishly and plan everything for my own pleasure, but when im writing on the blog, i make it a point not to revise n/ething, or even to read it over.... i really think about what i write, and that it doesn't offend.... that way my conscience is easier on meeh later knowing that i have done stuff not juss for my own good... side note: sooo pissed, this cold sore i have ( i think) is attacking the top lip and i can't harp, and its really, maddening cuz im fingering it right now.... pleasing everyone doesn't seem to be too hard when your choose whom to please and make sure they can agree... all that while ago, that probably was a main problem... not having the weighed sides of my life agree, but now they do and see eye to eye.... it feels great... now i have a letter to write, so nite nite