Sunday, October 02, 2005
alright.... so now im 19... biig whoop... though noted that this birthday was sooo much better than my last one... i ono... dreamed last night... girl of my dreams was there... she owned a small record company... is it that i am jealous of being left behind... the real question is why does she always appear in dreams... when reality is so far removed in fact and in acceptance... its juss that these dreams always leave meeh a bit empty in the morning... or something.... looking baq on the year... oh shoot alot has happened... i think everything that has changed occuring within the last year... the little rollercoater of our lives.... ascended and dropped last year, and now im juss cruising along... giant realizations... girl of my dreams... how many lifetimes i've lived with her in my dreamworld... its true, how some authors and playwrites depict the dreamer trying earnest to hinder the inevitable awakening... it was like that... heh, romanticaze my sleep... still really... it is true that time heals all... juss this week, much better... i mean once in a while still, but its reasonable now... to the level of the previous... heres an analogy:... if a cake is a for one person then the piece will be huge, but if i distribute a few peices to people along the way, would that person still feel special when they receive it?... the obvious question is no... then how can one build any houses or even firm foundations later?... and the peices are irretreivable... i think God truly made us with one thing that differentiates from the beasts... and i dare anyone to refute me, and that is the power of analogy... or abstraction... w/e... we look toward situations and it is comparable to other situations only because we humans attribute meaning and form the analogy... hmmm, this is something im really interested now... how humans think... i still like compsci though... maybe theres some way to combine the two.... i ono... so lets say i;ve found who i can llive with for the rest of my life, will that girl still appear in my dreams?... i don't know, i don't know... o yeah: innumerable... such an ugly word... Too numerous to be counted; numberless... that describes one of the things i've been counting... i guess its bad... ill write more later