Tuesday, October 04, 2005
so, my grand conclusion is that the mind is weak during the night... not that the intellectual ability will decrease, for I think better during the night, but that it is harder to resist alternative thoughts... i guess the difference betweent the night and the day is not of the darkness... though it maybe.... why do we fear the dark and is drawn tot he light... the color black... it cannot just be the lack of photons bouncing around... its not really one of those relative things... dark is dark, light is light... i guess its because we attribute light to warmth... and when everyone else isn't asleep.... that primal fear of loneliness again... maybe thats it... these feelings of uncertainty that come at night is the product of the uncertainness of the night... the loneliness of sleep, that is why we dream... how many lifetimes i've spent in dreams... hmmm i've noticed that dreams always end perfectly with my waking... there is no more story to tell... finis.... anymore would ruin the story... i guess as one grasps for conciousness in the morning will use his own worldly logic to continue the story... to fill in the gaps... to write an endig that he wants... if dreams are the secret desires that one transpires throughout the day, then i know exactly what is it that i want... to be loved?... hah... such a folly... the shocking thing is not that fact, but that may first reaction is one of pragmatical cynicism... sad ain't it?... to be pitied?... maybe... one trend i seem to find in my dreams is that of fulfilling impossible desires if the day... it does seem to fit the mold ut theres something wrong... i don't constantly thin about these things during the day... maybe once in a while i would cross my mind... but my occupation is different... occupation of the mind is wonderful... cough season is back... my yearly battle with bronchial what-nots... fun... i tend to win every year... i intend to do the same this time... maan, i remember junior high when my bronchial attack would come during drumline season... such a bad time... nyquil's really kicking in... i can't even hold my head up now... feels kind of intoxicating the edge of reality... maybe ill become addicted and dependant hehe... but really potent stuff... listening to chinese folk music, have no idea how soothing this stuff is... time and place for each kind of music... wow im realllly tired... this is bad, cuz nyquil will be potent for 8 hours, when my class is only 5 hours away... at least i'm not coughing not... pattern, how the brain notices things... i mean im talking and ur understanding cuz you have a pattern of what these words mean... thoughts start to gobble up in my mind... so ima going to bed... talk is cheap so goodnight