Friday, March 16, 2007
stop.... the little guy running the theater in my dreams need to stop playing sappy movies... ever see that slow-motion video clip of a bullet going through an apple? it kind of like that... i'm actually dead tired... the demons come out when the mind is weary... little situations keep playing over and over in my head... its horrible, what i want to say to some people, what i want some people to say to me... hmmm, i think i want to take the music off of the blog... it's the list of music that's currently playing over and over in my head... it's warm again... i want to go outside and do stuff... no one to do it with me... sigh... where has youth gone... i was sitting in a golden spoon with some highschool people... just listening about their cutsy boyfreinds and such... oh how i miss it... and then it occurred to me how detrimental those years were to me... how they shape my point of view on most aspects of life... why is it that i hold my youth to such high regard?... i mean the past is nice and all... but isn't there that fallacy of pretending that the past was "the good ol' days"... sad... was reading an article on cryogenics... for no good reason except to waste time... oh jeez... that all i do nowadays is to waste time... there just seems like a whole life-time worth of... well, time... to waste... but yeah people freezing their relatives in hope that oneday medicine will catch up to death... i guess it all ties into which is worth more, the present or the future... i'm right now in the camp of the past not being worth as much as i thought... i mean isn't that why there is racism... there are grudges... because of past... now i'm not saying that we should just forget about the past... actually... ... phooo... too much thinking at 5:30 in the morning... was supposed to sleep 3 hours ago... but thoughts... wasted on useless things... what is worth anything?... so much i want to say... but you know you just can't... whens the last time i shed a tear?... does not doing so mean i've lost my heart?... i remember when i was younger... my pillow would be soaked for one reason or another... my parents were the type to just keep screaming when i'm down... i guess back then i felt something... haha oh yeah, i was home last weekend... and i rummaged though the old toy closet... yeah ot still all there... my childhood strewn on the floor... there used to be this cartoon i had watched when I was a child, english title: "Couragious Keith"... they manufactured a line of twenty-odd put-together robot toys... i had them all... i remember that number zero was the precursor to number 1... number 5 can be taken apart to becose the armour for number 1... which later in the series became number 17... there were villans too... the last three comebined to become a super robot... haha... then one day i decided that i could take them all apart and peice a bigger robot from them... nope... it remains in peices in a little green tuperware box... but that was it... my childhood was all about destruction... i broke everything... toys... walls... hearts... i guess i want to be the type of person that rebuilds things now...